I didn't mean it like that! Having the Last Word: Hypnotherapy to Resolve Conflict
- Jennie Kitching
- 3 days ago
- 6 min read
When to Use This Technique
Use this when you come across a bit critical of others too often. Hypnotherapy to Resolve Conflict is a very insighful method of improving communication between loved ones and everyone else. You can do all this that follows without hypnotherapy, of course you could, maybe even you would say, you SHOULD. Trust me, that will not go well. Ready to communicate hypnotically? Let's go.
Could there be another way of saying the same thing a little differently, or softening your approach? Of course, this may not be useful to you, though I am hoping as you are reading this that it may help you in your interactions and be of service to making you and those you care about a bit happier!
“You HAVE To Have The Last Word!”
Shouldn’t Say Should, Can’t Say Can’t: Using Hypnotherapy to Resolve Conflict
Knowing it is maybe in your nature to automatically want to improve the condition of those around you, you can use your linguistic language reframe tool to make suggestions and improvements acceptable in many ways. Emotional Resilience Coaching and Mindset Coaching are ways we can help you right now, starting with this very article.
The key is to recognise that other people too, maybe think they are right in their own. Oh, you don’t have a linguistic language tool? Well, let’s remedy that right away!
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda!
Using the word ‘should’ always makes you or someone else out to be wrong. Folks don’t like being wrong.
Noticing the word come out of your own mouth can be a real gift for you to be kinder to yourself and get your unconscious mind collaboration, rather than the battle that often ensues internally.
Change 'Should' to 'Could' to 'Can'
You can replace 'should' with ‘could’ or ‘can’ and when you do (even if you catch yourself saying it about yourself!) then it opens up a load of options that would not have come into your awareness.
eg I should go to the gym, I could go to the gym, I CAN go to the gym, but it don't want to!
No one knows you like your mom/sister/brother/best friend/significant other and you can remember them now gently prodding you with this one in the right direction!
Improved Communication Realisations & Suggestions
There is this NLP Presupposition, saying that
‘The onus of communicating is on the Communicator’
However, there is also the notion that folks can be over-sensitive at times and take a light-hearted comment ‘the wrong way’. Whilst you cannot take back what you said, you can take some responsibility for how others respond to you (especially if ‘you started it!’).
You will then note how things improve for you by noting their reaction and revising and reframing your advice and comments. It is a great opportunity to bringboth you and the other into congruent alignment. Of course, you may not want to and recognise choice is everything!
Act as if people have all the resources they need
Act as if people have all the resources they need, even if they do not currently have access to these resources. It is not your job to give them those resources though you can point them in the direction of their own.
Discover the other person’s perceptions
Discover the other person’s perceptions before you begin to influence them. Meet people in their own unique model of the world – they have different views of the world to you, though there is common ground.
Giving and Receiving
Play with the idea that in the great orchestraton of the Universe maybe you were both meant to have this conversation, this interaction, to swap and compare ideas and that you may benefit of receiving a different opinion to expand your own awarenes, sometimes you do not have to always be the Giver.
Recognise that in any situation a person is making the best choice
Recognise that in any situation a person is making the best choice with the resources which they currently perceive as being available to them. As you applaud them for doing the best they can, they are inspired by your support to do better.
Recognise that each person’s ‘truth’ is true for them
•Recognise that each person’s ‘truth’ is true for them even if it differs from your ‘truth’ – since our internal version of reality is just that – a ‘version’ of reality. You cannot see inside their head though you can seek to be curious about their map of the world and softly question its structure to invite exploration and expansion.
Recognise that people interact with their internal ‘versions’ of reality
Recognise that people interact with their internal ‘versions’ of reality rather than with pure, sensory-based, input. We often do not know what is good for us, or the world, offering reactions based on impoverished perceptions and fear. #
Offer insights rather than insist, there may be more to this
As, by and large, often people don't always say what they mean and don't mean what they say, if they are not clear in their communication with THEMSELVES how on earth can they be clear with you? Sometimes, in just talking with you, as they listen to the words coming out of their lips a new meaning comes to them, without you saying anything back at all. Remember, we all have a guidance system kicking in!
The same goes for you, because you are a 'people' too, and for me! There are times when we hear ourselves speaking and the solution may be just there on the tip of our own tongue and when another speaks the opportunity for insight vanishes as we may acquiesce to the other's viewpoint. The other, just trying to help and maybe not doing so.
Folks stop communicating, or avoid you
Until you make it safe for someone to communicate honestly, they are unlikely to do so and will continue to lie, even to themselves.
Take a look in the mirror!
The important thing to do first of all is close your eyes and allow the muscles of the face to adopt the look you do not know you give others when you are giving the advice, the shoulds, the coulds, the 'why don't you justs'. Only when you have got your face into the state you would be in to begin to express to another, open your eyes and tell yourself what you are doing wrong.
Look into the mirror as if being your own critic and tell yourself what you SHOULD be doing and question why the heck have you not done all the things you said you were going to do and imply that you are lazy, too old, not presentable enough, not intelligent enough, go get your act together, etc, then you may get an idea of how another can feel in your company.
Don't let them reply in any sort of defence, as you know you have to have the last word - get the picture?
Look in the mirror again!
Knowing what you feel SHOULD be said for the reasons you think they ought to be said, to motivate them to inspire, to direct, perhaps now collect those honourable motivations and put them all together.
Soften all that advice with a kindness, a more gentle approach. You know this person as you know yourself.
You know you mean well and maybe have come across a bit harsh. All the honourable motivations will help you craft a kinder approach, a more gentler, understanding tonality and a recognition of the difficulty they are having.
This works so very well that the negative ego will stop you before you even give it a go. Go on, do it, this could be fun. This will certainly help you in dealing with all those other mirrors out there dressed up as other people.
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